The Scars of Us Read online

  The Scars of Us

  Copyright © 2014 by Nikki Narvaez

  All rights reserved.

  This is a work of fiction. The author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. No part of this book can be reproduced in any form or by electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without the permission in writing from author. The only exception is by a reviewer who may quote short excerpts in a review.

  For more information: http://nikkinarvaezwritegirl.blogspot.com/

  www.facebook.com/NikkiNarvaezAuthor

  Cover Design: Cover to Cover Designs

  www.covertocoverdesigns.com

  Photo Credit: Simon Barnes Photography

  https://www.facebook.com/HOTSNAPZ‎

  Model: Andrew England

  Interior Design by Angela McLaurin, Fictional Formats

  https://www.facebook.com/FictionalFormats‎

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  I’ve heard people say that time heals all wounds, but I think that’s bullshit. All time did was allow the wounds to scar, leaving a permanent reminder of your suffering. The emotional pain might fade away, but a little piece of it always lingered, taunting your happiness, and never letting you forget.

  Now love was a different story. I believed love could heal all wounds, but only if you let it; only if you trusted it. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t trust anyone, at least not completely. The one person in the world who I was supposed to be able to trust unconditionally ruined that for me. Now, the only person I could trust was myself, and even that was questionable most days.

  Every day, I looked in the mirror, hating everything that stared back at me. Every single feature reminded me of him, of the person he made me to be. I hated what he’d done to me, hated the scars he’d branded on my soul. I wished I could erase them, but they were embedded so deeply into my being that I didn’t think even love could heal them.

  I never thought I would ever experience love, until I met Ryker. He turned everything upside down the first time I’d laid eyes on him, and neither of us would ever be the same.

  I glimpsed at the clock, which blinded me with glaring red light. As usual, my nightmare woke me way before my alarm was set to go off. Exhaling a sigh of resignation because of the ungodly hour, I rose out of bed and ventured to the bathroom.

  Unable to look at myself after my reoccurring dream, I avoided turning on the light, not wanting to see my reflection in the mirror. Even a glance at my pale skin, blue eyes, and dark hair would almost guarantee a breakdown that would take hours to recover from. Avoidance was probably not the best method to deal with my issues, but it was one of the only ways I knew how.

  After fumbling around in the dark while doing my business, I made my way to the kitchen to make a cup of tea to steady my nerves. Sleep was futile, and lying awake in bed with my thoughts was a disastrous idea, almost as bad as looking at myself in the mirror.

  Padding down the hallway of my apartment, I stopped at my brother, Kamden’s, open door. Sometimes, I crawled into bed with him when I couldn’t handle the nightmares, but I didn’t want to wake him tonight. He needed his rest, and I needed to be less selfish. I hated being so dependent on him, but I needed him, more than he would ever know.

  Kamden was the only person from my family that I still spoke to, the only person that I remotely trusted. But even after everything he’d done for me, all that he’d sacrificed for me, I still couldn’t trust him fully; I’d never be able to trust anyone completely.

  Walking the rest of the distance to the kitchen, I began the process of shutting down, blocking out my thoughts, closing out everything around me. Withdrawing into myself was another coping mechanism, numbing myself, pretending that I was fine and didn’t care so that my emotions would be unable to break me—they were the enemy. I doubted that I’d be able to function in society otherwise.

  After I made my cup of tea, I headed to my office. Immersing myself in my work was easier than addressing my problems and acknowledging my issues. The numbers and figures made sense, and had a purpose, unlike my thoughts and emotions. I had control over the spreadsheets, tables, and documents, dictating everything that happened within them. I needed to have that power, needed to control as much as possible since I was constantly on the verge of unraveling.

  After working on several projects for a few hours, I was interrupted by Kamden. “You sleep okay? “he asked, yawning as he leaned against the doorframe.

  I gave him a look of disbelief before sarcastically answering, “Wonderful.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me? You know I don’t mind.”

  “It’s not fair for me to wake you every night over a stupid nightmare.” I replied brusquely, directing my attention back to the spreadsheets on my screen.

  Walking over to me, he placed a hand on my shoulder. “Your nightmares aren’t stupid, Ky. You can’t—“

  Cutting him off, I snapped, “I don’t want to talk about it, Kamden.”

  Raising both hands in surrender and stepping back, he softly replied, “Okay, Ky. You know I’m here for you if you need me.”

  Sighing, I rose from my seat. “I’m sorry, Kam. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just exhausted.”

  “I know. That’s why I don’t mind if you come into bed with me—you need your rest.”

  “Not at the expense of yours. I hardly fall back asleep anyway.”

  Opening his arms to me, he responded, “I want to do all that I can to help you. Always remember that.”

  I easily fell into his embrace, enjoying the security of his arms. Kamden always made me feel safe, which was a fleeting notion for me most days. “Thank you, Kam.”

  Hugging me tighter, he replied, “No problem, little sis.”

  Ringing from down the hall interrupted our exchange. “I left my phone in my room—I better grab it.”

  Releasing me from his arms, he trotted out of our office. After a few seconds, I heard him greeting our mother. Great. His footsteps echoed from the hallway, increasing in volume along with his voice as he neared closer to where I stood.

  “Hang on, Mom,” Kam spoke into the phone. He pressed his screen before directing his attention to me. “She’s asking for you—will you talk to her?”

  I gave him a really look. “No.”

  “Kaiya,” Kam chastised in an annoyed tone.

  “Kamden,” I mimicked in the same manner.

  He sighed as he pressed his screen again and put the phone back to his ear. “Sorry, Mom, she already left for work,” he lied.

  I mouthed, “Thank you.”

  Rolling his eyes, he turned and went back down the hallway as he made small talk with our mom. Following after him, I decided to get ready for work. I almost ran into him when he abruptly stopped in the corridor right before his door.

  “What?” he gritted into the phone, his whole body t
ensing in anger.

  I scooted around to face him, locking eyes with his narrowed, enraged ones. His nostrils flared as he inhaled deeply before seething, “You can’t be serious.”

  “What?” I mouthed anxiously. My heart raced, my anxiety peeking from beneath my walls in anticipation of what my mother was telling Kamden.

  Jaw clenched, he shook his head.

  Shit, this must be bad. Breathe, Kaiya, breathe. You’re safe, you’re with Kamden—he won’t let anything happen to you.

  Hanging up the phone without another word, he clutched the device in his shaking hand.

  “Kam, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

  He blew out a breath of frustration as he ran his free hand over his buzzed head. “You should sit down for this, Ky.”

  My pulse pounded ferociously under my skin, my blood thrumming through my veins with fear. “What is it, Kamden?”

  “Ky, I really think you sh—”

  “Tell me, Kamden!” I shrieked, beginning my spiral out of control. My thoughts turned to the darkest of places, to where my nightmares were rooted. Please no, please don’t let it be him.

  Kamden sighed before stating, “Kaleb is being evaluated for release.”

  No… no, no, no!

  Tears poured in rivulets down my cheeks as my lungs seized, my breath leaving me instantaneously at the sound of his name. My legs gave out as my stomach roiled, and my vision blurred. Kamden caught me before I crashed to the floor, and then blackness descended on me.

  Light slapping on my cheek roused me from darkness. My eyes fluttered open to Kamden, whose face was creased in concern. His blue-gray eyes locked on mine before he sighed in relief. “Don’t scare me like that.”

  “I didn’t plan to pass out,” I retorted as I sat up. I shut my eyes tight and pressed my fingers on the bridge of my nose as dizziness spread over me..

  Kamden gave me some space, scooting over closer to the edge of my bed. “I told you to sit down, but you’re so stubborn.”

  I scoffed as I rolled my eyes, not acknowledging his comment otherwise. He was right, but I wasn’t going to admit that.

  Noticing I was in my bed, I scrunched my face in confusion as I asked, “How long was I out?”

  “Not long. Ten minutes, maybe.”

  I glanced at the clock, my stomach dropping at the sight of the time. Oh shit, I have to get ready for work!

  “Don’t even think about it, Ky. I already called your boss and let him know that you’re taking a sick day.”

  “But—” I attempted to argue.

  Kamden moved closer to me on the bed. “No buts. You need to rest. You’re in no condition to do anything after that incident. Plus, you haven’t been sleeping well either. Your boss said that you could work on your projects from home today.” His tone was stern, but nurturing, the concern in his voice evident.

  “I’m fine, Kam. Really, I am,” I said, attempting to get out of staying at home with my thoughts all day, especially following the bomb that had been dropped on me.

  Kamden gave me a knowing look as he replied, “We need to talk about this, Kaiya. You can’t just avoid everything all the time. It’s not healthy.” Averting his eyes, I concentrated on a stitch of fabric on my comforter as I picked at it. He knows me too well.

  “I can’t,” I whispered as tears began to surface.

  Kamden grabbed my hands, cradling them in his larger ones. “Kaiya, look at me. I’m here for you—don’t shut me out. I only want to help you, to do what’s best for you. Please talk to me.”

  A rogue tear fell from my lids as I looked up at him. More threatened to follow as I angrily questioned, “How could they let him out, Kamden? After everything he did to me, how could they release him? He’s a fucking monster!”

  “I know. He’s only being evaluated—he’s not out yet. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure he doesn’t get released. There has to be someone I can talk to at the hospital.” His eyes narrowed in determination, his tone resolute as he spoke.

  Biting my lip, I nodded as my tears began to flow freely. “He’ll find me, Kam. He’ll come back for me. What if he—”

  Kamden shifted next to me, his body tensing. Gripping my chin, he forced me to look him straight in his eyes. “He’ll never touch you again! I’ll kill him before I let that happen,” he growled in fury. “No matter what happens, I’ll protect you, Ky.”

  Unable to speak, I nodded again. The tears continued to rain down my face as Kamden wrapped his arms around me. Clutching the back of his shirt in my hands, I trembled against him as I sobbed uncontrollably into his chest.

  Kamden ran his hand through my hair as he attempted to console me. “Shh, I’m right here, sorella. I’m not going anywhere—you’re safe with me.”

  I don’t know how long I cried for, but Kamden never complained. Continuing to hold me, he murmured words of comfort, which helped pull me back from the abyss that always attempted to swallow me whole when I thought about Kaleb.

  Pulling away, I wiped my swollen eyes with my palms. I looked up at Kam, who smiled softly at me, his face full of understanding. Thank God for him. I weakly smiled back, still fighting against the waves of emotion threatening to drown me. Even after eight years, Kaleb still managed to affect me so intensely. I hated it—hated him.

  “Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something to eat?” Kamden asked, his tone tender and loving. The perfect big brother.

  Wrapping my arms around my legs, I wiped my nose against my pajama bottoms. I probably looked like a horrific mess with puffy eyes and red, splotchy skin. “I don’t think I could stomach anything right now. The thought of him always makes me sick.”

  “Well, let me know when you’re hungry. I’ll make you something,” Kamden offered as he rose up off my bed, making his way towards my door

  “Don’t you have to go to work?” I inquired curiously, the space between my eyebrows bunching together in confusion.

  “I called in, too. I wanted to make sure you were okay for the rest of the day.”

  “Kam, you didn’t have to do that. I’m fine,” I lied. I was far from fine, but I didn’t want to tell him that. He’d only worry more.

  His lips curved up as he leaned against the doorframe. “I don’t mind. Let me know if you need anything.”

  As he turned to walk out, I stopped him, “Kam, wait.”

  He stuck his head back through the doorway. “Yes?”

  “Thank you.”

  Giving me a genuine smile, he responded, “Anytime, sorella.”

  Smiling, I watched as he pulled the door behind him, leaving it open just a crack. I couldn’t stop the warm feeling that filled me whenever he would use that term of endearment. Since I could remember, he’d called me sorella, which meant sister in Italian. Both sides of our family had some ancestry in Italy, and we had learned some words from our grandparents. Kamden was four years older than me, and had always been protective over me. He’d been even more so after the incident—especially since he almost didn’t make it in time.

  Laying back in bed, the warmth from Kamden’s words began to fade away as memories of Kaleb came rushing back. Reminiscing about my childhood almost always reminded me of him because he was so interwoven with my past.

  Curling up under the sheets, I attempted to dispel the thoughts of him. Clenching my eyes shut, I tried to focus on something else, but it was almost impossible since his face was so familiar to me—I’d never be able to forget it, no matter how desperately I wanted to.

  Bolting out of bed, I headed to Kamden’s room. He was sitting at his desk with his laptop open, staring intently at the screen. Turning in his chair, he directed his attention to me, “Everything okay? Do you need something?”

  Gnawing at my bottom lip, I nodded. “Can I lay with you?” I hated asking him to do that, hated being such a burden to him, but having him near me was the only way I would fall asleep after hearing about Kaleb.

  “Of course, Ky. Anything you need.”
/>
  I silently walked over to his bed as he made his way to join me. Lifting the comforter, he slid onto the mattress and scooted back to allow me to slide in next to him before covering us with the blanket. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long for sleep to find me in the warm security of Kamden’s embrace.

  Carefully untangling myself from the naked woman clinging to me, I eased out from under the sheets and got out of her bed. I picked up my clothes from the floor, and slipped them on soundlessly before heading to the door.

  Sneaking out, I softly closed the front door, so I wouldn’t wake up the woman… Abby, I think.

  Whatever, her name didn’t matter, but I doubted she’d care whether I remembered or not based on the night we’d had.

  A slight pang of guilt threatened to surface as I trotted down the stairs from just leaving like that. I shook my head, reminding myself that all women were the same—they couldn’t be trusted. I learned that from experience, and I’d be damned if I let myself be manipulated again.

  Hopping into my Chevy Z71 truck parked in her apartment complex lot, I checked the time: 3:26 A.M.

  Thank God, I don’t have to wake up early.

  My first class at the gym tomorrow wasn’t until two, so I could sleep in. I had some fitness regimens and nutrition plans to work on before then, but I could squeeze them in when I woke up or in between classes if I needed to.

  Once I arrived back at my apartment, I undressed and went to bed. My muscles were loose, my body relaxed from my release as I lay on my mattress. The woman from earlier was almost completely forgotten as I drifted off to sleep.

  The gym was abnormally packed for a Thursday afternoon when I walked through the doors to start my shift. Our peak times were usually the evenings and weekends, so I was surprised to see so many people. Most of the machines were occupied by a mix of men and women, however, the majority of people were male muscle heads like me. Hardly any weights sat in their spots on the racks that lined the wall, and the clang of all the equipment echoed throughout the building. I also had many new faces in my Intermediate Kickboxing class, including some hot women.